Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
