don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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