It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
