i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
