Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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