so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
