Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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