Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
