That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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