Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
how drunk are you?
Several
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
