fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
