I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
