You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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