Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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