some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
