If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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