i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
