she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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