seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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