you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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