a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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