I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
