Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
