I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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