Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
