That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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