I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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