I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
