I would go down on you faster than GM stock
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
