I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
