Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
