Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
