mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
