I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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