I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
