Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
