All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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