She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Someone signed my nipple.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
