A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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