It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
