is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
