I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
