I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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