and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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