I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize