3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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