Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
