and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His nipple licking is glorious
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