Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
im on a boat
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