I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
