I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
