We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
