she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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