I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
