dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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