were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
