i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
