I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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