i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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