Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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