If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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