Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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