i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
