I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
