I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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