did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
