so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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