I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
