I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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