i was born a porn star she said
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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