This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
