OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
