Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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