so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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